7 Tips and Sips of Tonic to Soothe the Obsessive Mind
Some ideas to help tone down the fiery circuits of obsessive thinking
The problem with obsessing over problems
An obsessive mind tends to create more problems, as opposed to solving them (gaining a concrete conclusion or solution is often the desired outcome).
It often leaves us feeling drained, fatigued, anxious and low-spirited; further away from any solution. This type of thinking often spirals endlessly and futilely in circles. Your mind races rapidly, but ultimately, you go nowhere.
Before we delve into some ideas that I propose as healing balm for a mind that gravitates towards obsessing and overthinking, let us clarify just what exactly an obsessive mind is. Both lexical and psychological definitions of the term exist.
Lexico defines ‘obsess’ as “[to] preoccupy or fill the mind of (someone) continually and to a troubling extent.” According to Cognitive Health Group, obsessive thinking “is an inability to gain control over recurrent, distressing thoughts and images. The process may be mildly distracting, or utterly absorbing.”
For the sake of this post, I will be focusing more on my own ‘remedies’ for the ‘mildly distracting’ obsessive conditions (and not the potentially debilitating conditions of anxiety disorders, such as OCD).
By ‘obsessive thinking’, I am referring to any particular thought or belief that frequently dominates the mind, in an unhealthy manner.
The day passes, but the problem persists
Perhaps something happened in your day, and you feel unable to simply ‘let it go’. You keep replaying the situation over and over again in your mind, thinking that things would be different, had you made a different decision. Or maybe, it’s a particular thought, belief or experience that seems to mentally and emotionally dominate you, recurringly.
And so the day passes, but the problem seems to persist… You are perhaps plagued by a spiral of ‘what ifs?’ or ‘what does this mean about me?’, as well as a desire to perpetually ‘figure things out’. Perhaps it’s not quite that extreme — you just find yourself fixated on a particular situation or desired outcome, to the extent that you spiral into a bit of a frenzy when things don’t go your way, despite your best efforts to manipulate and control it.
And just like that, your mind seems to be a dictator, governing you, in a world of anxiety and fear.
Some tonic for an obsessive stream of thought
But there is another choice. If you find yourself slipping into a mildly obsessive stream of thought, here are some ways to reclaim your power… And become an ally with your mind:
- Choose compassion, over criticism. Don’t tell yourself to casually “let it go”. Tell yourself it’s okay to just “let it be”. Accept yourself unconditionally, with your tendency to obsess or overthink. We often believe that by accepting these dark and undesirable sides of ourselves, we won’t change them. This is simply not true. Conversely, by suppressing thoughts, they will forcefully return with a vengeance.
Accept your thoughts as they are, but try not to desperately search for meaning in them. Become aware of them and allow them to be neutral waves of energy passing through your mind, and not indications of the truth of a particular experience, or a reflection of who you are, as an individual.
Additionally, a study in 2017 saw a correlation between self-criticism and depressive symptoms. Negative self-talk is not the solution. Displaying warmth with yourself may help build some form of mental immunity against these depressive symptoms.
Try reading a book on self-compassion, for some practical tips and insights. Dr. Kristin Neff wrote a wonderful book on the topic, aptly titled ‘Self-Compassion’. Or, if reading isn’t your thing, just try positive self talk for a few days. Talk to yourself as you would warmly chat with an old friend.
“Rather than wandering around in problem-solving mode all day, thinking mainly of what you want to fix about yourself or your life, you can pause for a few moments throughout the day to marvel at what’s not broken.” — Dr. Kristin Neff
2. Get your daily dose of nature. Nature can really have some harmonic and healing benefits. I truly feel that it has the power to soothe the soul, so to speak. According to a study conducted by researchers at Stanford, participants who walked for 90 minutes out in nature, showed less neural activity in the region of the brain that is linked to rumination (highly repetitive, negative thoughts) in their brain scans, than those who walked in heavily urban areas.
Taking a brisk stroll in nature, and marvelling at its intricate tapestries of organic beauty is an ideal way to release that excess mental steam. If you do not have access to any green spaces nearby, buy some indoor plants for your room (another study indicates they may elevate your mood by decreasing stress).
Nature serves as an ode to patience, rootedness, growth and change: it reminds you that you are a part of nature, with the powerful ability to grow, over seasons. As Ralph Waldo Emerson once said:
“Adopt the pace of nature. Her secret is patience.”
3. Get moving. In additional to emotional turmoil, stress also causes the muscles to tense up. Chronic stress may cause musculoskeletal pain in the lower back and tension in the head, shoulders and neck. Try and make a conscious effort to stretch daily, to help release any tension that your body has stored.
Also, moving the body may help you get out of your mind, and into your body, by shifting your awareness to your body (as opposed to your obsessive thoughts). Although I highly recommend gentle yoga, it does not have to be an ambitious hour-long sequence, it can simply be five minutes of soothing stretches.
For gentle yoga, I recommend yoga teacher Jessica Richburg. She has created plenty of free yoga videos, many of which are slow-moving. She also offers content for beginners.
For stretches, consider trying the videos of Dr. Jo, a physiotherapist. She also offers many free YouTube videos, full of stress-relieving stretches.
“Yoga belongs where I am — not where I was yesterday or where I long to be.” — Linda Sparrowe
4. Get breathing. Deep breathing (diaphragmatic or belly breathing) elicits a deep sense of relaxation, through the relaxation response. According to Harvard Medical School, deep breathing helps us disengage with distracting thoughts and sensations, and can slow down the heartbeat and stabilise blood pressure.
With a few moments of deep breathing, a full oxygen exchange is induced. It is recommended that a few designated minutes of this is practiced routinely, by breathing into the abdomen, and allowing it to expand, as opposed to engaging in shallow chest breathing.
Another potentially useful technique is that of Dr. Andrew Weil. Dr. Weil was inspired by the ‘pranayama’ breath control practices of India, and consequently developed the ‘4–7–8’ technique. Most of the evidence to advocate the use of this technique is currently anecdotal — but many users are highly satisfied, and clinical psychologist Dr. Nicole LePera also advocates it as a tool for relaxing the body and mind.
To engage in 4–7–8 breathing, do the following:
- Find a comfortable seated position. Exhale fully out of your mouth, to open your lungs.
- Allow the lips to close. Inhale, deeply through your nose, for 4 seconds.
- Hold the breath for 7 seconds.
- Exhale audibly, slowly and fully from your mouth for 8 seconds (as if you are blowing out candles on a birthday cake).
- Repeat for four full cycles. After 30 days, you can increase it to eight cycles.
You can also breathe through your mouth, if your nose is congested, and decrease the time, so long as you keep the ratio.
And finally, in the extraordinary words of Etty Hillesum, “Sometimes the most important thing in a whole day is the rest we take between two deep breaths.”
5. Gently do the inner work. Realise that sometimes, obsessive thoughts can also shine a light on our values, fears and insecurities. For example, if you obsess unhealthily and worry perpetually about a relationship (without red flags), look deeply and honestly at this. Sure, this might be telling you that you value and care for your partner, but also look at the fear: are you worried about being alone, rejected or abandoned? If this is true for you, then you can engage in some self-love practices.
Secondly, you can gently probe whether you have a tendency to try and control the events and people around you in unwholesome and unrealistic ways. If so, you can engage in some practices to surrender to what is out of your hands, such as mindfully and meaningfully reciting the Serenity Prayer, below:
Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference.
If you decide to some inner work, try to do this in a calm and objective manner, without overthinking it and igniting the flames of rumination. Your mental state is NOT another problem to be solved in this manner.
6. Get your creativity flowing. With diverse online platforms out there, and with a great deal of the world adapting to virtual learning as a result of the pandemic, the opportunities are bountiful. Both FutureLearn and Udemy offer free courses, while YouTube offers innovative tutorials for almost any skill.
NOW is your time. Ever wished to learn the art of contemporary dance? Or maybe, how to create your own stunning jewellery from scratch? Or perhaps, just learning to cook a new recipe for an exotic dish… Making art may reduce cortisol, the stress hormone, according to a study by the Journal of the American Art Therapy Association.
If you do gravitate towards obsession and an ongoing quest for perfection, try to let go with this activity. Do it for the sheer sake of learning something new, engaging with the task and allowing yourself to just be, and have fun. Letting go and allowing yourself to perhaps, over time, enter a creative flow, is key here.
“Your life is your art. What are you creating today?” — Anonymous
7. Make yourself an actual tonic. I recommend a turmeric one, because of its anti-inflammatory properties. The prolonged elevation of stress levels can result in chronic inflammation in the body, which can lead to various physical diseases.
Simply put, ‘inflammation’ means ‘set afire’ in Latin. And when I succumb to an intense mood or thought pattern, I feel like I’m burning from the inside out. So, here’s my final ‘sip’ of tonic… A glass of Indonesian jamu. A perfect and simple way to refresh the senses. And it’s delicious.
Recipe for Indonesian jamu (turmeric tonic):
-4 cups of coconut water
-15 grams of ginger
-120 grams of fresh turmeric
-2 tablespoons of honey
-1–2 tablespoons freshly squeezed lemon
-green tea ice cubes (optional)
- Peel ginger and turmeric. Cut up into fine pieces and blend together smoothly, with the coconut water (be careful when working with turmeric — it does stain!)
- Boil mixture on the stove for about 20 minutes.
- Stir in honey and lemon.
- Use a sieve to strain the mixture. Allow it to cool. Serve chilled, with green tea ice cubes, for a purely cooling refreshment.
“Rest when you’re weary. Refresh and renew yourself, your body, your mind, your spirit. Then get back to work.” — Ralph Marston
Take it one step at a time
Essentially, there is no quick fix, radical overnight miracle, golden elixir or magical tonic that will cure you of your underlying anxious patterns. The path may be steep and capricious at times, but the views along the way are glorious, if you remember to take it moment by moment, step by step, and breath by breath.
Any path to rewiring habitual reactions, thought patterns or behaviours takes time, patience, inner work, discipline and commitment. Oh, and don’t forget self-compassion.
Brim with that.
